Being single can feel challenging, especially when watching holiday films that often emphasize finding love during the festive season. It’s rare to see a movie about happily spending the holidays alone. Titles like Love Actually, The Holiday, Falling for Christmas, Last Christmas, Single All The Way, How to Fall in Love by Christmas, and Inn Love by Christmas all focus on romance. Netflix even has a whole category dedicated to these holiday love stories. These films tend to promote the idea that you need a romantic partner to achieve “happily ever after,” with characters often portrayed as desperate to pair up by Christmas. Even when someone isn’t searching for love, a new romantic interest usually appears to “fix” their single status. This narrative suggests that being single is less than ideal, especially during the holidays, but as someone who studies relationships and single life, I can assure you that this notion is misleading.
Hollywood’s fixation on couples is surprising given the increasing prevalence of single living. More adults are single now than ever in recent history. For instance, the number of adults living alone in Canada has more than doubled over the past 35 years. Among 25-to-29-year-olds, the percentage of singles rose from 32 percent in 1981 to 61 percent in 2021. And it’s not just younger people; in 2021, 32 percent of adults aged 35-74 were not in married or common-law relationships. As the lead of the Singlehood Experiences and Complexities Underlying Relationships lab at Simon Fraser University, I study when both singles and couples are content and prospering, as well as when they face challenges in their lives and relationships.
My colleagues and I have reviewed research concerning single individuals, revealing that societal perceptions of single people are outdated and restrictive. Although some singles struggle with their status, many are happy and flourishing. Content singles often have strong ties with family and friends, are sexually fulfilled, might prefer to avoid the drama associated with dating, or live in societies more accepting of singlehood. Their stories, however, are seldom shared. The rise in single living is due to various societal changes such as delaying marriage, prioritizing careers or travel goals, experiencing separation or divorce, or choosing to remain single. Desiring a romantic partner remains a common and valid aspiration, with approximately 80 percent of people eventually entering stable romantic relationships. However, that doesn’t mean single people who want partners are desperate or unhappy. Hollywood’s attempt to “fix” single people by encouraging them to find partners mirrors the social pressures many singles face. The stereotype of the lonely, desperate single person can leave individuals feeling marginalized.
Along with my research team, I explored the experiences of over 4,000 people in New Zealand and 800 adults in Canada and the United States. Our study found that single people often feel “pitied,” “treated unfairly,” and “discriminated against” by those they might seek support from. Seeking advice from their mother might come with pressure to settle down, attending office holiday parties could mean going alone while colleagues bring partners, and family gatherings might involve probing questions about their dating life or attempts to set them up.
So, as you settle in to watch repeat holiday romcoms, picture an alternate ending where the single character celebrates the holidays happily with friends and family, without being alone under the mistletoe.